For years I thought I had ruined my life…
Everything had been built up to this point. I had graduated high school Valedictorian, straight A’s with honors, and done all the extracurricular activities and community services. I did what I needed to get into a good four year college (which was supposed to later lead into a good job). I was in college with Magna Cum Laude with Honors. This was everything I had worked for. I had arrived.
There was only one problem.
I was severely suicidally depressed. Spending four hours a day in my walk-in closet crying had eventually caught up with me. I had mastered the art of writing short papers an hour before they were due and getting an A. But when it came to my large 80,000 word Honors paper… well, you can’t do that last minute. In the end, I failed. The research wasn’t done on time by my Senior Year. I had to change my topic to a more narrow one and the best grade I could take for the dissertation was a C. And… I would lose my Honors. I lost Magna Cum Laude and my Honors degree all in one go. I was sure I had failed. I was sure I had ruined my life.
Looking back now though I see the truth.
The truth was my life was just beginning. I never really wanted to climb that ladder. I was in college, but I never really knew what I wanted to study. I finally just picked a degree because I liked a book I read about Martin Luther just before I became a Christian. But I hadn’t really started living my purpose. And my purpose certainly wasn’t in my four year degree. The truth is, had I gotten my Magna Cum Laude with Honors, I would have felt the need to make the most of it. Had I succeeded, I would’ve continued to climb that ladder.
Losing it was a gift.
I wasn’t made for that box.
I did actually try to fit the corporate world for awhile and failed miserably. The only job I was successful at, was one where they created a job for me. For years, I thought I was failing when I would spend hours and hours and hours and hours looking through the paper for a job and I couldn’t find one. Truth be told I just didn’t fit the 9-5 world.
Maybe this is you.
Maybe you don’t fit the 9-5 world either. Maybe you’ve had what seemed like a failure, but the truth is, it might be actually showing you a sign to go another way. Maybe it’s a sign you’re climbing the wrong ladder. Maybe it’s a sign you don’t fit in that box.
I give you permission to go climb that mountain that suits you!
For years I thought I had failed when I lost my honors degree. The truth is I was given a gift. Maybe you are being given a gift too!